When you know, you know...

How many times have we heard that phrase? I remember hearing it a billion times, watching my friends meet the men of their dreams and they would just shrug and say, “Sometimes, you just know…” UGH! That used to kill me! What does that MEAN? I’d think.

My Pinterest board titled “Mr. Right” has over a thousand pins, one of which is a picture of a chalkboard sign that couples display at their wedding, “First date… First kiss… ‘I love you’... ‘Will you?’… ‘I do!’” with the dates beside each monumental moment. One sign caused my heart to jump into my throat. The dates were so close to each other, the first date and the “I do!” being only a year apart. I remember editing the commentaries (you know, the caption that you barely ever change unless it’s full of profanities or grammatically incorrect?) and put, “Love this idea, but the dates for me will be much further apart!” I had it in my head that when I fell in love, it would be a slow process, like thick syrup that you bang on the bottom of the bottle just to get a little dollop on your pancakes.

                I met Shaun while working in the café at Barnes and Noble. He came in regularly, toting his backpack and usually wearing his hair slicked back under a St. Louis Blues ball-cap. My immediate thought was that he favored Harry Potter (He HATES that. Don’t ever tell him he favors Harry Potter!) and that he was really really REALLY attractive.

                Me: “Hi, what can I get started for you?”
                Shaun: “I’d like a grande mocha, please.”
                Me: “Whipped cream?”
                Shaun: “Oh yeah.”
                Me: “And what’s your name?”
                Shaun: “Shaun.”
                Me: “How do you spell that?”
                Shaun: “S-H-A-U-N”
                Me: “Oh, good! You know those guys who spell it with an ‘E-A’? That drives me nuts, because I spell words out in my head as I say them and it just throws me off because I always want to say ‘Seen.’” (I realize how much I’m rambling and quickly turn to the espresso machine.)
                Shaun takes a few steps over so he can talk to me while I make his drink, “Yeah, it’s spelled a little differently than the usual spellings. It’s comes from…” and then he went on, talking about where his name came from.

I could listen to him talk about random information all the time, I thought. But I quickly pushed the thought away, smiled at him and handed him his drink. The rest of his time there he sat at a table close to the café bar, and I’d constantly look over at him. When I’d walk by his table, we’d exchange smiles, but in the back of my head I kept saying: You don’t like him, you don’t like him.
                You see, I’d been out of a relationship for a few months, and was taking some time to really become comfortable in my singleness. I was tired of depending on men to reaffirm my value. I wanted to feel valuable as a single woman of God. I really grew a lot in that time frame, and I was enjoying my singleness. I’d gotten into the habit of telling myself that I didn’t like a guy that I found attractive, as a way to avoid daydreaming about our future together, especially when I didn’t know his last name.

                Shaun came in a few times after that initial meeting, and I would see him around the store. One time he came in to the store while I was working at the bookfloor cash registers, and I had to keep myself from shouting out his name to say hi. The next time we spoke he came in to the café with his friend Wes, and I grabbed a cup for Shaun’s drink and said, “Shaun, right?” He smiled and said, “Yeah! And you are…” he looked at my name tag, “Candice. I’ll remember that.” I made his drink and gushed a little to myself, but quickly told myself I didn’t like him. Little did I know that he went to a table with Wes and said, “I think that girl is interested in me.” To which Wes responded, “Totally.”

According to Shaun, that’s when he started to come in to Barnes and Noble with the intention of seeing me, and sometimes he would, and sometimes he would sit at  table and work on homework  for hours, waiting for me to come in. He was trying to work up the courage to talk to me again when he would see me, but he didn’t get the chance until two days after Easter, when I was covering a 15-minute break in the café. Because I was working on the bookfloor that day, I was wearing a dress with a cardigan. I’d thrown on an apron and whipped my hair in a quick bun, and I nervously moved around the café because we had a big-wig manager there observing. Shaun came up and smiled, “Hey Candice!” I grinned, “Hi! What can I get started for you?” He ordered a multi-grain bagel with creamed cheese and a grande mocha with whip. As I was writing on his cup, writing his name without question, he asked me how my Easter went. I told him it was good, but that I had stayed here and my mom had visited a few days before. He asked me what I was in VA for, and I told him I was in grad school for counseling. He told me he was in the grad program for philosophy. I asked him how much further he had in the program, and then after he answered I went to toast his bagel. I remember closing the griller on the bagel and staring down at my gloved hands, “You DON’T like him.” I mouthed to myself. I looked over my shoulder and saw him standing by the espresso machines, watching me with a smile. I blushed and turned back around quickly. As I handed him his bagel and finished his drink, he asked me how much further I had in the counseling program. I answered his question and started to walk away when he asked, “Maybe we could hang out sometime?” he asked for my last name so we could be friends on Facebook (unbeknownst to me, he’d already found me on Facebook!).

                The independence and comfort I found in my season of singleness has positively affected my relationship with Shaun.  I was able to trust him quickly, because I studied his character and learned about him before getting super involved. Our relationship has moved quickly, but it has been saturated in prayer and constant guidance from God.

                Here are some things about Shaun that are weird and quirky, but have completely affected how I do things:

1.       He likes clean feet.

 

He’s not weird about my feet, but I’m weird about my feet. I’ve always thought they were dirty and crusty and always hated people touching them. He’s never been a feet-person either, but he seems to always grab my feet, give them a nice rub or just let them sit in his lap. Personally, however, he is very very particular about how clean his feet are. Because he plays hockey, he is careful to avoid getting different kinds of fungus or whatever hockey players get on their feet. Since we have started dating, I have tried to keep my toe nails painted and have scrubbed my foot with a pedi-stone almost every day. As a result, I confidently wear sandals, stick my feet wherever I want them to go, and I don’t cringe when he grabs them and gives me a nice foot massage.

 

2.       He always clears out running applications on his phone and iPad.

Before we started dating, I always had a billion applications running on my phone and on my tablet. I actually had NO idea how to shut off the applications that were running on my tablet. (Something he just resolved the other dayJ) After weeks of seeing him closing out an application immediately after he was done using it, I’ve started doing the same. Not as an “I want to be just like him and do what he does” thing, but it is more of a “that’s smart. He’s smart. I’m going to do this too.” And it has become a habit. Just like my feet, it’s a small improvement to my life that can be attributed to Shaun.

3.       He believes there is good in everyone.

During my season of singleness, I went to counseling and learned that I see things in black and white. Either people are good, or they are bad. This is interesting because I want to go into counseling, but I feel like I am able to see the good in strangers, but when I personally know someone and they do something to hurt me, I usually can’t get past it. Shaun, however, sees the good in everyone. Someone upsets him, but he still sees their value as a person, and he gives so many second chances that it’s amazing. Even with me, sometimes I get flustered and I will snap at him, and within 5 minutes I’ll say, “I’m sorry I snapped.” He just smiles, gives me a quick kiss, and tells me it’s okay.

4.       Every belief he has and every choice he has made is backed with a story and reason.

Shaun is a deep thinker who over-analyzes and has to process things to the point of exhaustion… Which I LOVE, because I’m the exact same way. I love that if he made a choice in his youth there is a reason behind it. He has a lesson learned for any mistake he has made. There have been many instances where he’s seen my brow furrowed, and he will know exactly what I am thinking, and I can do the same with him. We get each other. It’s amazing.

5.       He is always willing to spend time with me and makes it a point to show that I am a priority in his life.

In almost all of my previous relationships, I felt like an after-thought; and I felt like my boyfriend was an after-thought. But with Shaun, he is always making time to see me. We can’t spend a day without seeing each other and even then we will talk on the phone and text throughout the day. I always want to see him. I always want to know what he’s doing, and I always want him to know what I’m doing. Every fear and worry that I have he hears and has a solution or a strong shoulder for me to rest on. I just feel like I can curl up next to him and he’ll protect me from everything, including myself. I am my worst critic, and he’s always right there, telling me how beautiful I am. I don’t depend on him to make me feel valuable, but he has become my constant, my biggest fan, and my best friend.

So now that you are adequately sick of this lovey dovey mess, I will conclude it with saying that all of this has been given to me by the grace of God. I fully believe that if I had had not had that time of singleness to really find my independence in Christ, I would not be with Shaun right now. We both had to come to a place where we didn’t NEED a relationship, and as soon as God saw that we were prepared, He put us together.

Therefore… When you know, you know.