When I graduated from undergrad, I graduated from a life where everything was about being involved, and getting everyone else involved. All I wanted to do was spend time with people, talk about God, and dream about my future life. That was undergrad. That was when I was in a nice little box called Methodist University where the outside world only had one entrance and it was guarded with an officer that, in reality, was not physically capable to hold anything dangerous back. But, to me, I was safe. I was involved. I was happy.
Once I graduated, I came back to my hometown an evolved woman. I had this fire that I needed to nourish in order for it to continue to burn, but I couldn't find anything to feed it. There were no Bible studies available to me. No friends saying, "Just come to this discussion. I promise you'll love it!" Instead, I had women saying, "Oh, sorry. The Bible study has already started." or "The book is $12. Oh, you can't afford that because you don't have a job? Sorry, then. Maybe next time." And then, once I found a job, it was on the nights that the Bible studies were available. I found myself in a Catch 22, and then I just gave up. Two years I spent without the fellowship of other Christian women. I had mentors and close friends that I talked to frequently, yes, and I love them for that... But there was something severely missing. Instead of being in fervent prayer, I evolved again.
I evolved into someone that stopped reading her Bible as much, and stopped praying. I condensed my views and beliefs into something that was less offensive, and convinced myself that I was being open minded. I lost sight of a vision for my life, but still continued on the path to my calling. It was like I was still following God's will for my life, but blindfolded by my own sin and ignorance. And of course, since I was doing that "part" right, I convinced myself that I was okay. That nothing needed to change.
I didn't blame myself. I blamed others. I blamed my new community for not being like Methodist.
Ultimately, I didn't like being an adult.
After two years, I moved to Lynchburg, in an attempt to continue to follow God's calling. In all honesty, I felt like I needed a change. Since moving here, I have had the pleasure to meet many amazing women who have opened their lives to me and have wanted to spend time with me. Guardedly, I respond. Patiently, I wait for the next event where I can hang out with them again. I want to be open and see these girls all the time, but my fear of losing it all keeps me from really investing in time with them.
One of my friends invited me out for lunch, and we talked a little about my calling to work with inner city children. That night, she Facebook messaged me and told me about a guy she knows that leads an inner city children's ministry. She linked us up and he gave me some information. The church and the children are literally less than two streets away from me. The community that I have been waiting with baited tongue to spend time with has been, literally, right outside my front door.
I went to the church on Sunday and it was everything that I have been looking for. People from all different walks of life, all there to just praise God. I did not get the chance to really meet any of the children, but I saw a few running around during the service and just felt my heart catch. I knew in an instant that I was in the right spot. During the meet and greet, a woman came up to me and asked for money. When I told her I didn't have any cash on me, she said, "Oh, well. Someone told me to come up and ask you." When she walked away I did a quick assessment of how I looked. I was wearing a cotton black dress with red flowers. I had curled my hair and was wearing red heels. I worked extra hard on my make up that morning, and had picked out some jewelry to match my outfit. I guess I did look like I had money. I didn't blame her for asking.
Before the meet and greet time was over, I noticed a woman bee-lining it straight to me. I recognized the woman from her announcement during the testimony time. She praised God for bringing her 26 year old son to Christ. After shoving past different people, she grabbed my hand and welcomed me to the church. When she found out it was my first time there and I was new to the community, she invited me to the Bible study. I said I would come, but in the back of my head I was just saying, "Yeah right, crazy lady." She gave me her address, hugged me tight, and went back to her seat.
Well, Monday came and my day went along as planned. Yoga, meeting, class. I had plans to hang out with a friend when he got off work around 8:30/9, so I had from 4:30 to then to find something to do. I had reading for class, but... Yeah, that wasn't as appealing as the TV.
I kept trying to think of things I needed to do so that I would have a valid excuse to not go to the Bible study, but I coincidentally didn't have any TV shows recorded that I hadn't seen, and I literally had absolutely nothing to do.
So I went.
An hour later I found myself elbow deep in a conversation with twelve other women about Christ-centered relationships. I looked around the room at women from all walks of life, with tattered bibles, and pens scrambling on journal paper, just like mine. I instantly loved these women, and couldn't believe that I had almost allowed my fear of disappointment to get in the way of this amazing experience.
I need to start getting ready for my day, but I couldn't wait to talk about this any longer!
God is so good.
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